I was at this night-spot in Colombo with a film producer from NBC who is planning a docu-drama on tsunami-related incidents when I spotted Lester, sporting his best lounge-lizard demeanour, slithering closer to this nice looking lady at the bar. Knowing Lester the Lizard’s usual MO for preying on unsuspecting foreign bods of the fairer sex, I kept my eye on him whilst discussing the film project with Sol. Soon enough I could see that Lester was making his move. He had now wormed his way to two bar stools away from her and then, as I watched out of the corner of my eye, I saw him get up and walk by her, tripping just as he was adjacent. And as he stumbled, he knocked her drink, sending her glass clattering across the bar – the sound of breaking glass as it hit the floor by the bartender was quite audible even to where I was. Then came the dramatic bit. Lester got up off the floor looking suitably contrite and made his apologies – fawning and being suave at the same time (he has this knack!) and I see her accepting his apologies and his offer of another cocktail. The bartender mops up the mess and things get back to normal at the bar. In the meantime, our Lester has inveigled her into accepting his company and there they are chatting away. Poor thing – I think to myself, knowing our Lester’s penchant for perfidy. The lady looks East-European – decent, and not like so many of the hookers that hang around the night-spots looking for either the sugar-daddies or the young rich turks – often the offspring of politicos, doing their usual night-crawl in search of something, in exchange for the booze and cash, that  they could never achieve by virtue of their own persona. Sol and I wrap up our discussion, arrange to meet the next day to work out the logisitics and head for the exit. Unfortunately for me, we have to pass the bar and although I try to be as inconspicuous as possible (I swear that Lester has compound eyes) he sees me. His greeting is as effusive as ever and he insists that both Sol and I join him and his “good friend Svetlana” (turns out she is from Slovania!) for a drink. Both Sol and I try our best to avoid this encounter, but Lester senses he’s onto something here when he gets a look at Sol and his very Jewish mien, and will not take “no” for an answer. So we agree to join them for just one drink. There we are the four of us at the bar and Lester decides to move to a table, so he calls the waiter and arranges it. In the meantime, Svetlana takes a walk to the ‘ladies’ and Lester orders a round. The drinks arrive, Lester starts up small talk with Sol, but it looks like Sol is hip to the trip and quickly finishes his drink, makes his excuses and leaves. No sign of Svetlana and Lester starts to look worried. I finish my brew and say goodnight. Lester is looking anxious and is getting fidgety. He tries to persuade me to have another drink and wait for his friend, but I know when to call it a day – especially when Lester is involved, so I leave and head for home.

Heeey maaan! Know what happen after you left dat ol lounge lizard Les last night? I snuck in an was checkin out da scene to see if dat broad com back – an she did maaan – wit two odders jus like her! Mus have bin to get Sol an you join Les an her in a good ol orgiastic bash. You leave dat bar jus in time maaan, unless you be lookin forward to mixin an matchin wit dem hookers, dat is!

Java is impossible! It’s all I can do to tune him out, but his persistence is something to behold!

Aaannywaay, tings start to hot up when dey get to da table an see jus Lester dere. Dey be talking in dis Slovak dialect lookin annoyed at Svetlana, so she ask Lester to order anodder round of drinks. Now we bot know ol Les – he start dis whole number to try to take dis broad for a good ol ride, an now here she be takin him to da cleaners. So dis ol lounge lizard decide to play da game to da end an he order anodder round an act like he be makin to fix up wit all tree of dem hookers, laffin and jokin and getting da odd squeeze an cuddle in at da same time. Cat shuurre put on a show. After da nex round of drinks, our Les head for da “mens”. I be sittin in da corner checkin out dem broads an see dem gettin all bent outta shape as da time pass an no Les in sight. Da waiter com up an give dem a bill. I see dem gesticulatin an arguing, but dat waiter he be adamant. He want dem to pay up or he call for da security. He say he don care bout no man called Lester. He say he don know what dey be talking bout, as he jus now come on duty an see no one but dem broads at da table. Dese hookers, dey be piiisssed ooofff, maaan. Da two dat Svetlana brought over, dey wade into her and abuse dat broad in dere dialect. Svetlana, she be madder dan a bitch in heat wittout a dog to fuck, but dey pay up an split. Ol Lester better not run into dem broads again or dey will bust his ass maaan.

I’m falling asleep and Java is fading out, but I must remember to stay away from Lester the Lizard – he’s bad news.