Just a few days ago Java gets this cryptic message from the Trishawmafia. It was in response to an order he made for a tee shirt that was shown to him by Long Tall Richie at the Café some weeks ago. The design on the shirt was what sold Java – a modification of the famous Rolling Stones album cover that features a tongue. It may have been from the ‘Sticky Fingers’, or more probably, from one of their ‘Licks’ series of albums and the painting used is also by some famous graphic designer whose name escapes me at the moment. Anyway, the modification included a tablet on the tongue with an ‘E’ on it – for ‘excellence’, no doubt! So he ordered one – size medium.

Two weeks later, the tee shirt still in the recesses of Java’s mind as Christmas was approaching and this was meant to be a gift for a friend, he gets the message…

Dear Mr. Jones,

Sir, your limited edition t-shirt is ready. Could you please inform us when and where we may make the exchange? Bring one crisp thousand rupee note. Come alone.


So Java did. He informed them.

Heeey maaan! We be wonderin when dis be done and now dat it is, maybe we meet at Bareass Boulevard? Time? I be consultin mah Tarot deck on dis. Yo be shuure no one know bout dis, hear? Be hearin from me reel soon.


PS: What else I be getting for dis crisp tousan rupee note?

No response to that last question, but anyway, after the Tarot reading and assessing the dangers involved in dealing with this secret group of gangsters, Java did inform them of the pickup point and got an immediate answer.

The Mafiosi response:

Mr. Jones – My associate S will deliver the note to M at the corner of the Boulevard you mentioned. If you leave the note with him, we will collect it secretly and out of sight. I hope it is crisp.


So we trip on down to the corner of the designated Boulevard at the appointed time and sure enough, there’s M with the package – and with Dirty Harry by his side, for protection, no doubt. We huddle in the alley and we take a look. The shirt is there alright, but the size is ‘small’. Java complains. M is nonplussed and tries to smooth things over by telling us that he got a ‘medium’ as well, but it hung on him like a loose blouse, so he changed it for a ‘small’ and it fitted perfectly. We tell him that neither Java, nor the friend in mind for the gift is quite as emaciated as he is and to convey to the Mafia that we are pissed and will take the shirt on condition that it is changed well before Christmas. Java even sent the following message:

Hey Mistah Trishawmafia

What is dis, som kindava rip-off??? Fust, I aks for size ‘medium’ an yo boy leave a ‘small’ one wit M. An if dat not be baaad-ass enuf – I bin suckin on dat pill for nearly one hour an I don feel nuttin. What kinda chemical is dis???? I wanna have mah bread back maaan – dat, or a ‘medium’ wit a pill dat works. An dat note be crisper daan a frito when I give it to M.  So yo git back to me, hear?

Be seein yo (or else!)


I am apprehensive at Java’s tone, but he assures me that he has it covered in case this Trishawmafia gets tough.

And so this exchange goes on between Java and the Mafiosi until finally they cop to the fact that a mistake has been made and the exchange will take place as soon as they get their shit together. In the meantime Java has done some extensive undercover work and has discovered the secret website through which this group of gangsters put their messages about their deals across and if you promise to keep it to yourself, we will let you in on it.

Check out http://www.trishawmafia.com . But beware of these guys, they are a dangerous bunch of racketeers with massive underground connections as their wares will no doubt tell you more about.

Now don’t say we didn’t warn you!