Java hadn’t seen Alice in a while. She would drop by on occasion at Bareass Boulevard, particularly when any music was happening or a particular artist that caught her fancy was displaying. But strangely enough, though she is a big fan of Glen’s, she wasn’t at his gig a couple of Fridays back, which made Java wonder if she had tripped out in Wonderland and got snagged by the goings on created by Big Brother and The Holding Company. He was so upset in fact, that he actually set out to locate Alice – and I guess he did!

Thaaz right maan. I bin hearin dat tings in Wonderland be getting outta hand. Dat dis Big Brodder an Billy Goat togedder wit dere odder brodders be packin dat Holdin Company wit all dem double-dealin bozos from dat disunited bunch led by dat Wimpy Waffler, da King of Diamonds. All kinda intrigue be happenin I hear and in da meantime, Big Brodder an dat Billy Goat be makin dere advances gainst dat King of Clubs in his hideout up nort. Dey be gainin territory an be scuttling dem cats from dose parts wit help from dat Renegade – pretender to dat King of Club’s trone. An yo know how Alice be – she be feelin sorry for dat Queen of Hearts after dat las time she be sobbin to her an sheet bout how she bein hounded outta Wonderland. I jus be hopin our Alice ain’t getting involve in any of dis sheet, but not bein shurre an knowin our Alice, I check out her pad. At fust dere be no answerin dat bell, but I have dis sneakin suspishun dat dere’s someone in dere, cos I hear dis music from inside an so I keep ma finger on dat buzzer. Den finally, Alice answer dat bell an open da door. An she be lookin like death warmed over maan – sheet! So I go in an we sit our asses down an she start to tell me whats bin goin down to make her look so sorry-assed dee-pressed like she do.

As Java related it, Alice had, in fact, been visiting Wonderland and had almost immediately been accosted by the Queen of Hearts who proceeded to unload her bag of woes. She had nothing but contempt for Big Brother, the Holding Company and Billy Goat, who she said were in the process of flushing Wonderland down the tube of no return – like one of those African failed states. She told Alice how that waffling King of Diamonds had been taken for a good old ride by the scheming Big Brother, pretending he wanted to solve the problems of Wonderland with support from the King and his cohorts and then how BB pulled the rug from under that King by luring away a lot of those very same cohorts with promises of power and wealth, so as to boost his own support in Wonderland. She lamented the loss of recognition for Wonderland among the other kingdoms and cried about how her pride and joy was now rotten to the core and decaying fast. She regretted her folly in bringing the Red Knaves into prominence by allowing them into her forces and also that she didn’t take the chance to prosecute BB for his part in stashing away the wealth donated by the other kingdoms for the rebuilding of the outlying areas of Wonderland after the disastrous floods. She beat her breast, wringing her hands in desperation that her baby brother, the Jack of Hearts had been evicted from his position and given a token place in the regime with barely anything to do and that just the other day he had received messages threatening death to him and his friend – another Queen from somewhere else.

Dats right maan, Alice tell me dat da Queen of Hearts be sooo fuckin dee-pressed, she be contemplatin exile, but she say dat she feel it be her duty by her parents – dat ol regime – who she say made Wonderland dat Paradise it be. Alice on her part told dat Queen a ting or two bout how her parents had fucked up Wonderland demselves and how she did da same. She tol dat Queen bout how dis be ‘karma’ dat be getting back at her ass fo being such a bitch and fuckin up da country wit her greed an her schemes an her retinue of ass-holes who be doin nuttin but fillin dere pockets while kissin her fat ass.

The Queen of Hearts, according to Java’s story of Alice’s version, had regretted her folly and although she didn’t admit to Alice’s allegations of her misdeeds, did agree that she was terribly stupid to be duped by the two-timing sycophants that had only their own interests at heart. She did, however, tell Alice that BB and the Goat would get their just deserts from, in Java’s words:

She tell me dat da monster dey had helped to fashun for da purpose of defeatin dat King of Clubs in dose wilds up nort, will turn like dat proverbial worm when da time be right and strike like grease lightning. She also tell Alice dat dis intrigue sheet be soo fuckin bad dat it will end like in a Tarantino movie – wit blood allover da place. No one know who be knockin off who – dat Renegade be makin it look like da King of Clubs, da King be makin it look like BB and da Goat be out to get da Renegade, both da Renegade an dat King of Clubs be out to get BB and dat Goat, BB and Billy be doin all kindsa odder sheet and dis place by like entropy degeneratin into chaos an nobody will know jus exackly what sheet be goin down.

Anyway, to make a long story short, Java had tried his best to pacify Alice, telling her that in future, if she planned another foray into Wonderland, to be sure to let him know so that he could accompany her. Then he took her down to the Bareass Bar where they had some some beers and sandwiches and had Mo put on some appropriate music to cheer her up.

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