Java was pissed – not drunk or anything like that – just angry – at the way things were going down in Wonderland. Joining Alice after a night of carousing on the town together, they tumbled down that psychedelic passage and walked down that cobbled path seeking audience with the Queen of Hearts. Well, actually it was the Queen that was seeking audience with Alice – hence the trip and Java’s involvement. He knew there would be more moaning from the Queen about the situation in Wonderland and the complications that had developed recently with the banishing of the Southern Queen and the Ten of Spades from Big Brother’s coterie and although (and possibly because) her baby brother, that obese Jack of Hearts, had squirmed his way back to the fold, she had all manner of problems on her hands – brought about of course by her unflagging desire for power. 

An I be right bout dat broad maaan. Soon as we got in dat door she be on to Alice bout all her troubles – mainly concernin Big Brodder and Billy Goat and dat Basilisk, who between dem she say, be runnin Wonderland to rack and ruin. She be on bout ‘mendacity’ an how when she be runnin da show, even though she be getting into dat mendacious mode, she say it be nuttin like dis sheet. But as I be tellin our Alice later, we all know dat she be one of da biggest mendacity-purveyors Wonderland be havin da misforchune to have around – maybe Big Brodder reach anodder level, but dat Queen of Hearts, she aint no fuckin saint, right?

So anyways, she be goin on bout all dis an den she com to da main event fo her – she be tellin of da latest development in Wonderland, how Big Brodder fired dose tree from his hoard of minions dat he gadder togedder to get himself dose numbers he be requiring to load da dice in his favor fo reasons of getting his legislashun an sheet tru dat decishun makin process. She tell how one ting lead to anodder an dis finally backfire on ‘BB an Siblins Inc.’ da tree dudes runnin dat Holdin Company, leadin Wonderland to da pits an fillin dere mega-size pockets in da process. An now, dat Soudern Queen, she be showin signs of open antagonisom an write BB a long-ass letter detailin all da improprieties he be up to in spite of dat Queen warnin his ass dat skulduggery be happenin – mainly by Billy Goat and dat Basilisk, who be interferin in all areas and forcing dose minions to do sheet dat benefit dose two wit loads of tainted lucre, abductin anyone who be criticizin or expressin views contrary to BB’s an his bros and trampling on da rights of all in Wonderland in da bargain. But da best part of da news for da Queen of Hearts be dat Ten of Spades tellin dat he be havin proof dat da Basilisk take part in engineerin BB’s winnin da crown in Wonderland by givin dat Norden King of Clubs cash an sheet to stop his followers from puttin dere hands up fo da King of Diamonds. An now, she say, BB an dose odder two siblins be in panic-mode and da sheet be getting ready to hit dat fan an spray all dat stuurrf all over Wonderland.

So Alice an I, we jus lissen to all dis sheet knowin well dat da Queen be missin all dat power an glory she be clingin on to fo so long an be achin to get back. An den Alice aks her what she be plannin to do bout all dis an how she plan to deal wit her sorry-ass brodder who seem like he be willin to do anyting to get his free trips roun da world an be baskin in his posishun as minion in charge of Wonderland’s cultchure. Da Queen say dat dis be part of her ploy to infiltrate dat Holdin Company an da Jack of Hearts be makin is move reeal soon. Now, she say, her chance be comin up to forge som of dem alliances and topple dose tree wretched bozos to get Wonderland back from da brink of chaos. She say she be in discusshuns wit da Soudern Queen, her one-time fren and also wit dat wimpy King of Diamonds an maybe she will get da folk in Wonderland back on her side.

In da meantime, she say, rumors be floatin all over Wonderland. She tell us how da King of Clubs up nort an dat renegade who be defectin from his forces an who Big Brodder be usin to chase da King of Clubs’ forces from da east, be part of a big-ass sting operashun to get demselves entrench in da east and den gang up togedder to get dere separate piece of Wonderland. Wit all dis confushun goin down, she say, BB an his siblins don know who be wit dem an who dey tink be wit dem are really aginst dere asses. She say dat a state of paranoia be happenin in dere heads an dat be som dangerous sheet, caus no one know what be goin down. She also tell Alice dat da Red Knaves don know what da fuck be goin down an be all confuse bout who to attack an sheet – bein reeal close to dat Soudern Queen’s ass as well. An dose hypocritical wolves in holy garb also be confuse but be playin da game to de end.

Java and Alice had barely managed to sit through the Queen of Hearts’ diatribe, which eventually came to an end with appeals to spread the word about the horrendous happenings in Wonderland and to try to get her some support through Alice’s contacts here and abroad. And so they bade her goodbye and good luck against the abominable triad of siblings who, she said, would stop at nothing to perpetuate their reign of absolute indifference to all conventions of decency.

Just getting the story off his  chest appeared to calm Java a tad, as he turned on some appropriate music and headed for bed and a well earned plunge into oblivion.

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