Don’t ask me why, but lately Java’s been on this trip about the futility of expectations. I think it came to a head whilst we were watching Tim Henman play Carlos Moya at Wimbledon. The match was a cliff-hanger when bad light, weather conditions and time called a halt to the unbearable (for most of the spectators) suspense. Moya had saved around four match points, as the English fans screamed for their perennial hope who has made it to the semi-finals on two previous occasions, but never managed anything beyond. The expectations of the English fans were voiced by one of them – that at the twilight of his career Henman could go ‘all the way’. And unlikely as this may seem, expectations persist.

Heey maaann, yo hear dat sheet? Dey be specktin ol Tim to go all da way? What yo tink he be? Tirty-som years ol an not even be seeded – dese cats gotta be jokin maaan. It be one ting to hope, but to especkt – shheeet, in mos cases dat jus lead to disapoinment, hear?

I can see what he means – and he’s been going on about this for a couple of days now, ever since the Cherry Lady broke up with the most recent love of her life. From all accounts the brief but volatile relationship had equal portions of passion and dismay, the latter caused by Cher’s expectations, which were never quite fulfilled. And Java, getting into his philosophical mode, had attempted to pierce the impenetrable cloud that fogged up Cher’s clarity of mind with his Buddhistic logic about desire causing suffering – to no avail. We guessed that the physical gratification superseded most of everything else, so Cher remained devoted and expecting things to work out. They didn’t of course and now, more recently she has ‘seen the light’ and come to terms with the truth of Java’s view. This, of course pleased him no end, although he mentioned that he withheld the urge to do the ‘I told you so’ thing.

Then there was the matter of Alice and her most recent meeting with the Queen of Hearts, who had just returned from giving her princess away in marriage and who had summoned Alice to tell her about the recent developments in Wonderland.

No shheet maann, yo know what she be tellin Alice? She be talkin like she be speckting to make a grand appearance and see da back of Ol Big Brodder and dat Holdin Company of his. She be tellin how Billy Goat an dat Basilisk put ol BB in a whole lotta toro pupu and now she be plannin to see dere asses out of Wonderland wit da help of her ol fren, dat Soudern Queen an her folk, an even her ol childhood playmate, dat wimpy King of Diamons, so dat dey could put dat King of Clubs in a corner an get Wonderland back on track. Dat’s right, she be spectin all dis shheet to go down an even give our Alice a time-frame fo dem happenins. So I tell Alice not to hold her breath, dat our ol Queen, tho she be spectin all dese tings to happen, she shuurre as shheeet know what be happenin to her ass in da not too distant past when she be spectin similar shheet to go down an her chief injustice play dat double game wit her ass.

And I guess that was why Java was on the trip he is on. As he put it in his inimitable style:

Crap like dat don fly in dese parts maan.

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