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Discussing the biological control of pests with someone who is into the nitty-gritties of the pesky critters, made me wonder if ‘pests’ of the human species could also be deterred from their tiresome ‘whatever-it-is-that-makes-them pests’ in the same manner. Spraying with chemicals is a definite no-no, so what method that could be used effectively was an interesting exercise for Java and yours truly – for a while.

I guess ‘pests’ of the human species could be defined as those that annoy and irritate to the point that the ‘host’ wishes they would either disappear or drop dead. At times the verbal or vibrational signals only serve to increase the ‘annoyance’ or ‘irritant’ factors until the only way out is to change the environment by leaving the particular setting – even though one may wish to remain. So how to work it out in order to have the pests leave instead of the ‘host’ is the crux of the problem.

Java was of the view that extrapolating the ‘fruit fly / pheromone’ method (discussed in an earlier post) would work. I was intrigued by the suggestion, but the problem of ‘how’ remained. The fruit flies were programmed by their genetic code and their instincts to mate overrode all other aspects of their makeup and presumably their tiny brains were unable to cope with their dilemma, resulting in being trapped until fatigue and starvation put paid to their existence. The human pest, though, would be much more sophisticated in that they had that deducing ability that at most times would enable them to figure out the ‘escape route’ and return to bug the host.

We’re still of the view that the problem could be solved, but put it away until some inspirational idea hits the spot. However, if you feel that this is a worthwhile exercise to ponder on and come up with some bright idea to solve the problem, please feel free to offer solutions and just maybe someone will come up with something effective to help many of us out of this occasional dilemma that I’m sure lots of us experience at some time or the other.

Any ideas?

Michael Bear is an aging hippy, astrologer to some of the heavies in Hollyweird and one who prides himself on his ability to foresee the future of his showbiz personae clients. The Bear, an old buddy, hasn’t connected for a while, so imagine Java’s surprise when he receives a mail asking for a song! Apparently horoscopes have jived and this fresh talent of The Bear’s and Java’s Venus alignments indicates to him that the combo can not fail to hit. The Bear says that the singer is one in the ‘Amy Winehouse’ mould, so Java has to write lyrics from that type of chick’s point of view and she will do the music.

And he did. It was like, in an instant – he does have this knack on occasion – done and sent off to The Bear, all in the matter of an hour.

Let slip the jagged edge
Past the feelgood fantasies
Roll on closer to the bar
And bottom up the Bloody-Mary
It’s time for bed

Let’s skip the ragged bickering
It’s so un-apropo for now
The chick with the slick hairdo
Is gunning for a shot at you
“Last dance”, you said

Let’s wrap up the broken bits
and check out faded dreams at the door
The dude in the dark red shiny shirt
Is making his play
Or is it all in my head?

Let’s skip the jagged edge
Past the feelgood fantasies
Roll on closer to the bar
and get that last one for the road
The place is dead

It’s time for bed
“Last dance”, you said
Or is it all in my head?

So that was that. And now all Java has to do is wait for the reaction – and then who knows…?

Lyrics – ‘Let slip the jagged edge’ – Copyright –

China looms. Java is quite looking forward to it – and he has his reasons to be sure, but I on the other hand, have nothing much more than a series of meetings that will culminate in decisions that will apply to work in the region, to look forward to. And that can be a terrific bore. The participants themselves are for the most part old acquaintances (some of them in the category of ‘friends’) and a fairly jolly lot, so that’s not all too bad. And then Java generally manages to come up with the stash that’s so important to unwind with after the hectic daily sessions. That, and he also manages to get the IPod with its dock and speakers all set up, so that the evening scenario (beer included, of course) changes very little from ‘back home’. Being one of the more senior members of the group, I usually get a room to myself whilst most of the others get to share with another of the group, which, of course, is essential for the routine.

Before China, however, there are sessions for a smaller group in Bangkok and this will last for five days. Much of the same old shit that unfortunately must be endured in the best interests of our work that helps to benefit huge numbers of folk (particularly children) in Asia (for us), and around the world (for many of our co-workers on other continents). Java loves Bangkok for the ‘sticks’ he hunts up to elevate the sensibilities – and for the food, which I endorse wholeheartedly. The organization usually takes care of the participants in arranging pleasant evenings that usually end up in some niceish restaurant with other suitable ‘entertainment’ thrown in for good measure, and as you are probably aware, there’s no shortage of interesting ways to kill time in this city.

China, on the other hand, is a different kettle of Schezuan prawns, as most of the participants have never been before and apprehensions are varied. The venue is located about an hour’s drive from Beijing and as accommodation has all been sorted out by the hosts, I’m pretty sure it will be up to the high standards that are usually par for the course on trips like this. The rest of it, except for the working sessions, will be largely an unknown quantity. Java is certain that all sorts of possibilities exist to ensure that a good time will be had – and going by past records, he’s usually right about such things. At first I thought his accompanying me would not be such a good idea – given his sometimes outrageous reactions to all manner of catalysts, but when Java makes his mind up, there’s very little I can do about it. Such is the relationship!

And so here I am – up to my eyeballs in presentations, statistics, records of work accomplishments and all sorts of other crap that leaves little time for much else. And then there’s a lot of other stuff to get done as well – like keeping the odd post happening so as not to ‘lose touch’ and posting the odd comment to keep the spirit alive. Java doesn’t help out too much at these endeavours, except to pop up occasionally with some off-the-wall stream that is either too far out to even contemplate getting involved with, or some fine stuff to accompany the choice selection of music he turns on (although he is quick to deny it) to get me off the laptop and to help me drift off for a bit. And I must say, it does help.

He’s back with the makins and has Amy Winehouse (thanks to RD) to set the mood, so it’s time for that break.

Java’s been muttering under his breath about Rhythmic and his posts bordering on the privacy invasive. Not that he minded a few near and dear knowing things as intimate as his frog fetish – a badly kept secret, if at all, but when he commented on the shirt…..!

Sheeet maaan it be one of dose sober rust coloured short sleeved kurta numbers dat de Dancer laid on me. Fuckin subdued sartorial accoutrement – an he be on bout ‘loud’ an sheet – dat an a pair of charcoal denims! But den ol RD bin gettin his ol knickers in a twist bout dis an dat durin his, like two days, in Colombo – da rest of dat time he be checkin out dem elephants for the two-hundredth and second time, even tho he be sayin what a fucked up trip it be an how much he hates it. That, an checkin out Galle!!! Make sense maaan? Come all dat way an…..sheeet – sooo much more happenin? Now I see why his ass can’t ‘ppreciate da beauty of dose frogs – city slicker tourist checkin out his roots.

An so he get back to Hounslow or derebouts an den he go an ‘tag’ my ass. Now dis ‘tag’ ting be an interestin study in like social psychology an dat sheet, right? Dis one wants yo to put down seven ‘random’ tings bout yoself so all dese odders can get dis infomashun an maybe form som pichure bout yo ass. An yo find all dese dudes an chicks linin up to inform da rest of our asses bout dere random likes, dislikes an all dat odder good sheet bout demselves. I guess it could be funny, an entertainin, an even ‘enlightenin’ to som folk, but damn, maaan, like I told RD’s ass, it’s all dere right at da start of da blog, so what more? An if dat ain’t enough, jus readin some of da sheet we be puttin down, give any readers all da informashun dey be wantin bout Java.

Aaaannnywaaay, since he got my ass on dis trip to some degree, I be suppose to ‘tag’ seven odders. Sheeet! Okay, but hey guys, jus ignore dis sheet okay – I jus be doin dis to keep ol Rhythmic happy and humoured, hear?

Justmal, Jolly Lucifer, Cinimod, Janusis, Voice In Colombo, Sittingnut and Drac.

Like I said – jus ignore da sheet – an no hard feelins, hear?!

August 2007
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Ephemeral Ruminations by Java Jones is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.
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