Here’s another one of those amusing, semantically-intriguing things that crop up ever so often. It was sent by e-mail and I thought there would be a few out there in Bloggsville who would get turned-on. Kinda like those ‘New words for 2007’  (https://javajones.wordpress.com/2007/07/24/new-words-for-2007/ ) that I posted a while ago – and who knows, maybe one of those bloggers mentioned earlier will manage to use all these terms in one post!

This is how the mail went:

Due to the climate of political correctness pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as ‘HILLBILLIES.’ You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore: HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
She is not a ‘BABE’ or a ‘CHICK’ – She is a ‘ BREASTED AMERICAN.’
She is not ‘EASY’ – She is ‘HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.’
She is not a ‘DUMB BLONDE’ – She is a ‘LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.’
She has not ‘BEEN AROUND’ – She is a ‘PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.’
She does not ‘NAG’ you – She becomes ‘ VERBALLY REPETITIVE.’
She is not a ‘TWO-BIT HOOKER’ – She is a ‘ LOW COST PROVIDER.’

And now here’s: HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
He does not have a ‘BEER GUT’ – He has developed a ‘LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.’
He is not a ‘BAD DANCER’ – He is ‘ OVERLY CAUCASIAN.’
He does not ‘GET LOST ALL THE TIME’ – He ‘ INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.’
He is not ‘BALDING’ – He is in ‘FOLLICLE REGRESSION.’
He does not act like a ‘TOTAL ASS’ – He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.’
It’s not his ‘CRACK’ you see hanging out of his pants – It’s ‘REAR CLEAVAGE.’

Well, there you have it – new terms for the New Year. And just watch your language, just so you don’t get mistaken for being down with a severe case of rectal-cranial inversion.

Advertisements