It was another night of tripping out when the conversation meandered in the direction of karma and the kind of metaphysical clap-trap that we so often indulge in to exercise the old brain cells, when The Cherry Lady, just back from an extended sojourn in Sunny California where she was threatened – first by floods, and then more recently, by bush fires – steered the conversation in the direction of ‘death’. And I could see that Java, who was more than a little thrilled to see Cher return, was hanging onto her every word. Now although more than one of our friends have had their suspicions of how strongly Java feels about Cher, he has always maintained that they are just really, really close friends – an absolutely platonic relationship, he says, in spite of some of the little bits and pieces that make the rest of us think otherwise.
Anyway, to cut through the extraneous crap and make the story shorter, the next day The Sandman sends us this intriguing little gem by Woody Allen – one of Java’s top ten humour-mongers, which goes like this:
In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people’s home feeling better everyday. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities; you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last nine months floating in luxurious spa like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm.
How about that? Or would you prefer it to ending and beginning (or vice-versa) like this ?
9 comments
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May 9, 2008 at 7:19 am
Darwin
I’ve heard that Woody Allen thing before but…we’re assuming that living life backwards would include a carry-over of sorts of life experience as well. If not, I don’t think I’d be happier knowing/understanding less and less about the world the more I ‘aged’!
May 9, 2008 at 8:35 am
javajones
Darwin – yes it would. Remember the same memories and experiences should be felt – backwards, of course. It’s the same person – same memories.
May 9, 2008 at 8:37 am
RD
I’m keen on this living life backwards concept, just a bit concerned about my ex wife though. Perhaps I could take a slightly different route or something!
May 9, 2008 at 8:52 am
janusis
Brilliant idea! We’d be taking dumps before eating, and throwing up before drinking..
But that would also lead to having sex before foreplay, and reading your post before you had thought of it..
May 9, 2008 at 10:44 am
javajones
RD – looks like you’d be stuck with her man. But hey, think of it this way – the divorce would come first, and then everything would get sweeter wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t it?????
Janusis – Looong tiime!
I guess we would get used to things happening in a reverse ’cause and effect’ number way. Might be a trip – like RD’s case, where some things get better as we get ‘younger’.
May 9, 2008 at 4:30 pm
N
Ending life as an orgasm…now that would be a way to go:)
May 9, 2008 at 4:40 pm
javajones
N – I figure that would be how it is anyway – like a massive release!
May 31, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Chris Month
I hear from sources close to Woody that he didn’t write aword of it. Cam anyone confirm either way?
May 31, 2008 at 1:51 pm
javajones
Chris – Sorry can’t help out there.