What with the recent upheavals in the global financial world in general, and in the USA in particular, new strategies are being conceived by the pundits in order to inhibit, as much as possible, a repetition of the scenario. And along with the new developments in the world of high-finance, new definitions of existing terminologies are also being developed to describe more accurately their meanings. Some of these new terms were received by Java yesterday (when it rains it pours!), so we are reproducing them here for those of you who want to keep abreast of the game.

Here they are:

CEO – Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO – Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET – A six to eighteen month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING
– The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER – What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR
– Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally
between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER
– A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION
– The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS
– What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR
– Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT
– An archaic word no longer in use.

Hope this helps you with keeping up with the market forces!

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