For those of you who haven’t had the benefit of either driving in Sri Lanka or being driven over here, the following piece (received in this morning’s mail from C), should be of interest. And even if you have, and do drive here on a regular basis, I’m sure what a Dutchman from Baan, Netherlands, experienced will provide moments of déjà vu, not to mention a chuckle or three.
Here goes:
For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting Sri Lanka and daring to drive on Sri Lankan roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are applicable to every place in Sri Lanka except in the North, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.
Sri Lankan road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company.
The hints are as follows: Do we drive on the left or right of the road? The answer is ‘both’. Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Simply trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don’t drive, but just aim their vehicles in the generally intended direction. Don’t you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation; the other drivers are not in any better position.
Don’t stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back. Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.
Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts), or just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar. Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister’s motorcade, or waiting for the rainwater to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage.
Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking coloured lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.
Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi / Tuck-tuck): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile. This three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton’s laws of motion en-route to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.
Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often ‘mopped’ off the tarmac.
Leaning Tower of Passes : Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.
One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don’t stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type.
Lest I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also. Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a ‘speed breaker’; two for each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left un-tarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.
Night driving on Sri Lankan roads can be an exhilarating experience for those with the mental make up of Genghis Khan. In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes.
Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are the James Bonds of Sri Lanka, and are licensed to kill.
Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs at night, on the trunk roads. During the daytime, trucks are more visible, except that the drivers will never show any signal (and you must watch for the absent signals; they are the greater threat). Only, you will often observe that the cleaner who sits next to the driver will project his hand and wave hysterically. This is definitely not to be construed as a signal for a left turn. The waving is just a statement of physical relief on a hot day.
If, after all this, you still want to drive in Sri Lanka, have your lessons between 8 pm and 11 am-when the police have gone home and – the citizen is then free to enjoy the FREEDOM OF SPEED’ enshrined in the constitution.
Happy motoring!!
43 comments
Comments feed for this article
January 26, 2009 at 8:48 am
Yoyo
WOW! Great post of actual normal driving conditions in our lovely life loving Island.
The writer of this post should be made the PR Manager/Spokesman of the Ministry of Tourism. He has a talent in identifing the normal situ that we normally do not see.
January 27, 2009 at 3:43 am
Bard
You have injected the facts well with the imaginative picture which you draw on the readers mind. Nice post!
January 27, 2009 at 4:35 am
javajones
Yoyo – I’m afraid the guy wouldn’t make it at the Ministry – he’s far too honest for that motley bunch of creeps!!!
Bard – thanks, but the piece was by someone else. I just posted it.
January 27, 2009 at 4:44 am
Jerry
Hilarious! Thanks for sharing!
January 27, 2009 at 5:25 am
lady divine
awesome post! I’m gonna remember this during my drives 🙂
how true! and police are awake sometimes after 8pm..sigh.. and now they eve fine people for mistakes they never did! drat!
January 27, 2009 at 7:02 am
javajones
Jerry – my pleasure. Glad you enjoyed it.
Lady D – know what you mean!
January 28, 2009 at 11:24 am
Pericles
Provided a chuckle three all right! Except for that bit about the sleeping cops. Those buggers have some sorta intelligence net to be at the right place to catch me breaking the law every time I try to. As a result, I’m probably the most law-abiding driver in Sri Lanka!
February 2, 2009 at 12:51 am
javajones
Pericles – there’s also those cops that wait for potential ‘drunk drivers’ in the wee hours. They stick their heads in the car hoping for a whiff of alcohol and the chance of a handout.
February 2, 2009 at 2:06 am
kalusudda
Enjoyed, yes very accurate account! Driving in the hill country adds to the excitement. Last time, I was so eager to drive to Nuwaraeliya, all pumped up, gave up after first two kilometers! Our driver is a prof! I think the author missed those fruit stands!, where a kid walks in to the middle of the road with a bunch of fruits in her / his hands with a smile.
February 2, 2009 at 6:05 am
javajones
Kalu – driving in the hill country is easier at night, as you see the lights way before the bends. Of course for ‘tourists’ this may not be a good idea, as you miss the staggering scenes
February 24, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Nominating Another Driving In Sri Lanka Post « Kalusudda Comments
[…] to be entangled with driving in Sri Lanka. But before I shake things out, I would like to suggest JavaJones’ Driving in Sri Lanka for Cernos Top 100 Sri Lankan Blog Posts […]
August 27, 2009 at 7:59 am
uglykid
One headlight Maniacs..!!!!!! sooo true….meet them at least once a month….anyways the whole thing was nicely put…. i have driven in India but…that is nothing compared to SL roads
December 28, 2010 at 1:00 pm
PravNJ
Dude which part of India have you been to? Its waay more screwed up over there. At least we acknowledge that pedestrians exist here.
Sri Lanka = effed up
India = even more effed up
August 27, 2009 at 11:51 am
javajones
Ugly Kid – My memories of driving in India are that it was a whole lot worse than it is over here. And Bangladesh is by far the worst!!
September 9, 2009 at 9:20 am
uglykid
Well jones …you get a lot more cars and bikes in India…but they dont go criss crossing like in SL….. i actually saw this Indian guy (DPL car)…with one side-mirror folded, all nervous, steering with both hands, moving slower than a cart…..taking the duplication road around 5.30……
December 28, 2010 at 11:15 am
Dev
Great piece. Didn’t want it to stop! Im sure you could write incessantly on this topic. Please do!
December 28, 2010 at 12:50 pm
PravNJ
What about the cops? you left out the dirty traffic police! other than that GREAT POST. Split my sides
December 28, 2010 at 1:00 pm
javajones
Dev – Thanks, but this was by a Dutchman – I merely posted it as it was too good to pass up
PravNJ – Right! Perhaps the Dutchman didn’t have the experience with some of those creepy cops or I’m sure he would have included that aspect as well.
December 29, 2010 at 3:09 am
Mal
I really don’t want to come back to Sri Lanka again after yesterday’s drive to Polonnaruwa. This country is insane.
December 29, 2010 at 12:36 pm
javajones
Hey Justmal – long time!!! Was it only the traffic that’s turning you off or the other types of ‘insanity’ that prevail over here???
January 26, 2011 at 12:18 pm
Sri Lanka: dag 2 og 3 | seLarsen.com
[…] et lite innblikk i hvordan kjøringen fungerer her, kan du lese denne artikkelen. Med merkelappene: ferie, reise, sri lanka, tuktuk Legg igjen en kommentar Kommentarer (0) […]
May 12, 2011 at 2:20 pm
Not pleased
This article was originally written by someone about driving in India, not about Sri Lanka. This post doesn’t reflect the reality in Sri Lanka, where motoring is a much civilized affair than in rest of South Asia (but may not be up to the developed countries’ standard).
May 13, 2011 at 2:13 am
javajones
Not pleased – Thanks for the info. Any idea of the source of your information? I agree that we have a better ‘driving ethic’ than India, Bangladesh, etc., but much of what this guy observed is pretty accurate for us as well.
July 18, 2011 at 12:59 pm
Amila Tennakoon
I am from Sri Lanka. This post is 100% ture!
February 20, 2012 at 4:44 am
antidote, the last
This seems to be shamelessly based from a post about driving in india…
http://www.dinesh.com/india_jokes-humor/miscellaneous_india_jokes/driving_in_india.html
I agree sri lankan roads are tough and i like the humor but wtf!
February 21, 2012 at 4:20 pm
javajones
Antidote – Thanks for the link. As you may have noticed, the mail I received credited the piece to a Dutchman. In any event the link you provide also indicates that the source is “unknown”, in which case it may well have been written about Sri Lanka and some one else transposed it to fit India. Who knows who was “shameless”???!!!
March 4, 2012 at 6:08 am
antidote, the last
“dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar”.. well in which part of India you like in Sri Lanka? 😉
“Auto Rickshaw / Baby Taxi” sounds very Indian and overall feeling i got matches best with my experience in India rather than Sri Lanka.
Probably my mistake. Yet allow me to point out that the post is more entertaining than informative. Hope it would not keep away anyone who’d love to experience Sri Lanka. 🙂
March 4, 2012 at 7:14 am
javajones
Antidote – you’re like a dog with a bone, man. One could easily transpose words/phrases to fit the environment one is writing about. Who really cares whether this was written about India or Sri Lanka? The point is that it fits – either way you look at it.
Cheers!
April 7, 2012 at 6:05 am
Kyle Foley
HELP!
I am trying to see all the sites in Sri Lanka and I was thinking about doing it on a motorcycle… Am I signing a death sentence? To further add.. I am from the US and am only 20. I was planning on buying a bike there because Ill be there for 2 months and the rentals wont do it if im under 21. Will I be in trouble with the police even if im not breaking the law or speed limit? and if I get pulled over what is the drivers license age there for cyclists? I DO NOT want to end up in a foreign jail.
Any advice helps! Im fit and athletic and a more than capable motorcycle rider, im even somewhat of an adrenaline junkie, but I’m not stupid and your article has seriously deterred my ideas on bike touring the country.
thanks,
Kyle
April 7, 2012 at 8:38 am
javajones
Kyle – There are many tourists who ride bikes here and manage okay on their travels around the country. If you have an international drivers’ license you should have no problems with the cops.
It would help if you have a local friend or contact who could help you with the purchase, as all dealers are not above taking tourists for a ‘ride’.
Good luck and happy riding here!
April 8, 2012 at 6:46 pm
Shout Lanka
Howdy! I just want to offer you a big thumbs up for the great information you’ve got here on this post. I will be coming back to your site for more soon.
June 21, 2012 at 11:42 am
sriyantha
Let me straighten out some things here. I smell plagiarism. Just in case if you have not heard that word let me clarify it for you. It refers blatantly copying someone else’s work and presenting it as if it were your own. This is a writeup that I saw in the infamous motor magazine, Overdrive India. This particular letter won the first place in the cover letter segment. As amusing as it is, this letter was written by an Indian for an indian magazine highlighting the Indian context of driving. There is no denying that this is no different to the Sri Lankan driving. But facts are facts. This is plagiarism and is totally unacceptable.
situations.
June 21, 2012 at 12:04 pm
sriyantha
Sorry if I did sound rude. I noticed in a couple of comments that you have indeed acknowledged this is not your work. That’s great. Sorry for the oversight. Anyway the fact that this was published in Overdive India remains, and this letter was awarded the TVS star letter of the month. I am a great fan of the magazine, and a letter as amusing as this is hard to go amiss. Cheers.
June 21, 2012 at 12:11 pm
javajones
Hi Sriyantha
No worries man! But the very first paragraph of the post makes it very clear that this is by “a Dutchman from Baan, Netherlands”, Good thing you finally noticed it, or my response would surely have been ‘appropriate’!!!
Cheers!
June 21, 2012 at 5:29 pm
sriyantha
Ok. Better late than never. 🙂 But since you are speaking of some Dutchman here, I am ready to standby what I have said. Send me a mail address and I would only be too happy to scan and send a copy, scanned exclusively from my copy of the magazine.
June 22, 2012 at 1:20 am
javajones
Sriyantha – Right!
I really don’t care about who wrote it – as I mentioned, it was sent to me by a friend and the thought was to expose more folk to a hilarious take on driving in the country. It fits Sri Lanka, so that’s all that mattered to me at the time. Thanks for the offer of sending the ‘original, but I couldn’t care less…
Cheers!
June 22, 2012 at 3:37 am
sriyantha
Very well then.
December 5, 2012 at 2:27 pm
poornap
Very good post. It looks like you haven’t driven in India. Having driven in India, this is a cake walk for us!!! I understand that the road conditions is very good in the island.
December 6, 2012 at 1:16 am
javajones
poornap – Thanks. Yes I have driven in India (see my comment of Aug 27 2009 – above). The roads here have improved tremendously over the past few years, but much of the content of the post still applies!
July 26, 2013 at 3:06 pm
gry online hazardowe automaty
Can I simply say what a comfort to find someone that genuinely knows what they’re talking about over the internet. You certainly know how to bring a problem to light and make it important. More and more people need to read this and understand this side of the story. I can’t believe you are not
more popular since you certainly have the gift.
December 30, 2015 at 1:37 am
Ephemeral Ruminations
[…] 5Driving in Sri Lanka40 COMMENTSJanuary 2009 […]
December 30, 2015 at 1:55 am
Ephemeral Ruminations – 2015 in Review | Ephemeral Ruminations
[…] 5Driving in Sri Lanka40 COMMENTSJanuary 2009 […]
August 8, 2017 at 11:20 am
vishan9797
How true of our lovely motherland! XD
Thanks for the laughs! 😀