Here’s another bunch of quotes sent by a mate that will amuse many of us folk that are into cricket and the other ‘finer’ points of the game. As we cricket buffs are aware, there has been a lot said about the ‘psychological disintegration” that individuals get going to get under the skin of their opponents and in the hope of getting them either distracted or so pissed off that it ruins their concentration and they lose their wickets. The Aussies probably started the surreptitious war of words that quickly got picked up by the stump microphones as technology advanced and spectators got all the nitty-gritty details of a lot of what goes on between players on the field. However, the other teams soon got hip to the Aussies’ trip and gave as got as they got – better, sometimes.
Check them out:
Rod Marsh & Ian Botham:
When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words:
“So how’s your wife & my kids?” The reply from Botham was “my wife’s fine, your kids are retarded”.
Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him.
“Looks like you spent it eating,” Cullinan retorted.
Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes):
“Hey Eddo, why are you so fucking fat?”
Eddo Brandes: “Because every time I fuck your mother, she throws me a biscuit.”
Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:
During 1989 Lords Test, Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed: “You can’t fucking bat.”
Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: “Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can’t fucking bat & you can’t fucking bowl.
Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:
During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor.
A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed. “Tickets please,” Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.
Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:
During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn’t say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries.
“This is my island, my culture. Don’t you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl.”
Merv didn’t reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: “In my culture we just say fuck off.”
Ian Healy & Arjuna Ranatunga:
And of course you can’t forget Ian Healy’s legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one-dayer in Sydney: “You don’t get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat cunt!”
James Ormond & Mark Waugh
Ormand had just come out to bat on an Ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh.
Mark Waugh: “Fuck me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here? There’s no way you’re good enough to play for England.”
James Ormond: “Maybe not, but at least I’m the best player in my family.”
Ravi Shastri vs the Aussie 12th man (don’t remember who, and don’t want to slander anyone)
Shastri hits it to this guy and looks for a single.
This guy gets the ball in and says, “If you leave the crease I’ll break your fucking head.”
Shastri: “If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn’t be the fucking 12th man.”
Malcolm Marshall & David Boon
Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times.
Marshall: “Now, David, are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?”
Fred Trueman & Raman Subba Row
Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba Row’s legs.
Fred doesn’t say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly
“I should’ve kept my legs together, Fred.”
“So should your mother,” he replied
It’s almost certain that the present Aussie tour of India will bring about some new doozies, so keep your ears wide open.
18 comments
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October 30, 2008 at 2:43 am
Sachintha
Good stuff mate.
As far as I have heard, to this;
Rod Marsh & Ian Botham:
When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words:
“So how’s your wife & my kids?”
Botham did not reply…
And this one,
Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes):
“Hey Eddo, why are you so fucking fat?”
Eddo Brandes: “Because every time I fuck your mother, she throws me a biscuit.”
It was not so gross, he actually had said,
“Because everytime I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit…”
LOL it’s one of my favs…
Another one by Sanga to Brandon McCullum when Brandon came into bad;
“Brandon, you’re a batsman too? I’ll be…”
Check out my blog too mate, there are some cricket stuff you might be interested in…
October 30, 2008 at 6:35 am
javajones
Thanks Sachintha – will check out your site soon.
Here are a few other posts I did on cricket that may be of interest.
October 30, 2008 at 7:05 am
David Blacker
Another one I heard was about Arjuna Ranatunga being the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, “Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it.”
McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: “So what does Brian Lara’s dick taste like?”
Sarwan: “I don’t know. Ask your wife.”
McGrath (losing it): “If you ever fucking mention my wife again, I’ll fucking rip your fucking throat out.”
Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes to the crease playing and missing the first ball.
Mark – “Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were shit then, you’re fucking useless now”.
Parore- (Turning around) “Yeah, that’s me and when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly slut and now I hear you’ve married her. You dumb cunt”.
Ricky Ponting & Shaun Pollock. After beating the bat with a couple of deliveries, Pollock told Ponting: “It’s red, round & weighs about 5 ounces.”
Ponting hammered the next ball out of the ground and retorted: “You know what it looks like, now go find it.”
October 30, 2008 at 7:12 am
David Blacker
Another one: Nasser Hussain came out to bat at Kandy on England’s 2003 tour of Sri Lanka having got into trouble with the match referee for alleging that Muttiah Muralitharan was a cheat and a chucker. With Hussain at the crease, Sangakkara started singing Neil Diamond’s ‘Goodbye Love’ ” ‘Goodbye love, goodbye happiness, hello loneliness, I think I’m going to cry.’
October 30, 2008 at 8:18 am
javajones
Nice ones David. I remembered a couple of them.
I think sledging is cool and adds another dimension.
October 30, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Gallicissa
Eddo B’s famous reply is my fav.
October 30, 2008 at 11:37 pm
javajones
Amila – yeah, that was a brilliant comeback, wasn’t it?
November 6, 2008 at 4:18 am
Hilal
Check this video out:
http://www.cricketcrowd.com/Play_Video-23-894-2118.html
This is Sanga Vs Pollock
here’s more
and another
November 6, 2008 at 7:23 am
javajones
Thanks Hilal – good stuff there. I had seen the Sanga / Pollock thing earlier too.
November 11, 2008 at 4:37 am
Theena
The Rod Marsh – Ian Bothom confrontation had apparently gone like this:
Marsh: So how is your wife and my kids?
Bothom: The wife is fine. The kids are retarded.
November 17, 2008 at 11:17 am
Rob
Hey there,
Loved the sledging comments, my pick is the one about Eddo Brandes and Pidgeon McGrath and also the one with Daryl Cullinan and Warney, bloody hilarious!
I also have a cricket site of my own I would highly recommend you having a look at. It is called “Cricket, the Brilliant Game” and the web address for it is http://www.whoplayscricket.com. If you are also interested in doing a link exchange with me feel free to email your site’s details to my email at whoplayscricket@gmail.com, and when you add my site please use the following details:
Site Name: Cricket, the Brilliant Game!
Web Address: http://www.whoplayscricket.com
Also email me when you have added me so I can add your site on mine promptly.
Cheers!
Rob
http://www.whoplayscricket.com
November 18, 2008 at 12:15 am
javajones
Hey Rob – thanks for the link – shall check you out
December 4, 2008 at 3:53 pm
damiths
Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him.
“Looks like you spent it eating,” Cullinan retorted.
You know after all that, Warne could probably still get Cullinan with his eyes closed. He was a walking wicket as they say.
December 4, 2008 at 11:52 pm
javajones
Damiths – Isn’t it amazing how the mindset can stymie even pretty good batsmen? Cullinan was no pansy with the bat, but somehow Warne managed to penetrate that psyche to such an extent, the guy was virtually helpless against him.
December 25, 2011 at 11:24 pm
Dadiggle
And Warne was Tendulkars run scoring machine.
The main thing about the Warne Cullinan saga was that everyone went around thinking Cullinan was poor at playing spin. New Zealand tested that theory can got smashed to bits by him.
Look at Donald Tendulkar another great battle which Donald often won.
Can’t remember the blokes name but he was a up and coming Indian all rounder. He did well except against Australia. Duck after duck. Java said it well with his reply. Its a psyche thing and the sledging is there to make sure who ever comes to bat remember it.
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