Here’s another bunch of quotes sent by a mate that will amuse many of us folk that are into cricket and the other ‘finer’ points of the game. As we cricket buffs are aware, there has been a lot said about the ‘psychological disintegration” that individuals get going to get under the skin of their opponents and in the hope of getting them either distracted or so pissed off that it ruins their concentration and they lose their wickets. The Aussies probably started the surreptitious war of words that quickly got picked up by the stump microphones as technology advanced and spectators got all the nitty-gritty details of a lot of what goes on between players on the field. However, the other teams soon got hip to the Aussies’ trip and gave as got as they got – better, sometimes.
Check them out:
Rod Marsh & Ian Botham:
When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words:
“So how’s your wife & my kids?” The reply from Botham was “my wife’s fine, your kids are retarded”.
Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him.
“Looks like you spent it eating,” Cullinan retorted.
Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes):
“Hey Eddo, why are you so fucking fat?”
Eddo Brandes: “Because every time I fuck your mother, she throws me a biscuit.”
Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:
During 1989 Lords Test, Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed: “You can’t fucking bat.”
Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: “Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can’t fucking bat & you can’t fucking bowl.
Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:
During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor.
A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed. “Tickets please,” Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.
Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:
During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn’t say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries.
“This is my island, my culture. Don’t you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl.”
Merv didn’t reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: “In my culture we just say fuck off.”
Ian Healy & Arjuna Ranatunga:
And of course you can’t forget Ian Healy’s legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one-dayer in Sydney: “You don’t get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat cunt!”
James Ormond & Mark Waugh
Ormand had just come out to bat on an Ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh.
Mark Waugh: “Fuck me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here? There’s no way you’re good enough to play for England.”
James Ormond: “Maybe not, but at least I’m the best player in my family.”
Ravi Shastri vs the Aussie 12th man (don’t remember who, and don’t want to slander anyone)
Shastri hits it to this guy and looks for a single.
This guy gets the ball in and says, “If you leave the crease I’ll break your fucking head.”
Shastri: “If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn’t be the fucking 12th man.”
Malcolm Marshall & David Boon
Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times.
Marshall: “Now, David, are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?”
Fred Trueman & Raman Subba Row
Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba Row’s legs.
Fred doesn’t say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly
“I should’ve kept my legs together, Fred.”
“So should your mother,” he replied
It’s almost certain that the present Aussie tour of India will bring about some new doozies, so keep your ears wide open.